Posted August 12, 2021 in Podcast
Your View of the World is What’s Holding You Back
Are you still experiencing the pain of past trauma?
Let’s face it — A traumatic experience can have a huge impact on our lives. But instead of letting one event affect all the choices, you make in life today, why not make it an opportunity to grow and change?
Friends, this is going to be a unique episode because we’ve got two Kyles on the show today, but we’re coming from two different countries. While I’m from a small town in Wisconsin, our special guest is Kyle Daniels who hails from South Africa but currently lives in Phuket, Thailand. I’ve been a guest on his Coached Success podcast before, and now I’m glad to have him on the Reaching Beyond podcast to share his inspiring story with you all. Let’s get into it!
Who Is Kyle Daniels?
Kyle Daniels is a performance and Neuro-Linguistic Programming (or NLP) coach who grew up in the hardships and challenges of Cape Flats, South Africa where drug use, the sounds of gunshots, and widespread poverty were common. He has seen peers and friends succumb to the ill effects of social problems that further dragged them into poverty, which initially ignited his interest in human behavior.
He realized how easy it was to become another victim of the negative effects of the social influences in the place we live in. However, instead of becoming another victim, he chose to evolve from his traumatic experiences into better versions of himself and achieve the success he now enjoys.
When Kyle Daniels graduated with his undergraduate degree in psychology, he thought things would become better for him. However, he soon realized he was wrong. He slipped into a depressive state after being unemployed for several months.
Since he could not get a job, he pursued further studies by taking up a postgraduate degree in psychology, hoping to improve his chances of getting a better job. He developed an interest when he was introduced to personal development. He started spending massive hours listening to the best coaches on personal development, immersing himself in books about entrepreneurship and personal growth.
“I had more crisis points in my life that helped me grow. … I started my own cleaning business. So you see a guy who’s doing a postgrad in psychology working with the counselors, but I’m also on the side going into people’s houses on my knees, cleaning and scrubbing the floors, getting my vacuums out, … doing the hard work.” – Kyle Daniels
Since Kyle could not get a job, he started his own carpet cleaning business while pursuing his postgraduate studies. Even while he was meeting with high-profile counselors, he put aside his ego when it was time to work on his business where people could see him scrubbing floors.
“I have reached a certain milestone [where] everything has to change. … I’m going to create the change. If I can’t get a job, I’m going to create the job. So that’s what led me to start the business.” – Kyle Daniels
Later on, Kyle volunteered at different community organizations dealing with substance abuse as a counselor, where he further developed his counseling skills. While he was making progress with his career, he discovered another struggle — being overweight.
“I found myself one day, … and I looked at myself, and I … felt so nervous. … [I was] so anxious because I was so overweight. And I realized that I can’t feel like this, [foreover]. … And that was the starting point of the fitness journey.” – Kyle Daniels
While he was so focused on his career, he realized he neglected an important part of himself — his body and health. His being overweight soon took a toll on his self-esteem and self-confidence. He decided to do something about it by starting a weight loss journey with the goal of dropping 25 kilograms in weight. In two years’ time, he achieved that goal, which inspired many people. His weight loss journey was published in a men’s health magazine, and he also co-founded a fitness Bootcamp and a trail-running group called TrailFitSA, helping people in their journeys to weight loss.
Kyle Daniels has gone through many struggles in his life, from being unemployed to being overweight that affected his self-esteem and emotional state of mind. But through them all, he learned many essential lessons, and he realized the importance of understanding our past traumas in order to get into the life you want to live.
The Importance of Understanding Our Past Traumas to Get the Life We Want to Live
We all have past experiences that have haunted us throughout our lives, but we must understand these experiences to move forward. For Kyle Daniels, being rejected many times from job interviews that led to unemployment for months was a traumatic experience. At first, it may seem normal to be rejected from job applications. But when you’re still unemployed after several months and after sending hundreds of applications, depression can start to set in. Kyle realized that understanding our past traumas is an important step in moving forward because these memories will usually keep haunting you for years unless you deal with them.
“Our self-narrative is basically our personal story that we’ve accumulated through the experiences of our life. And what we need to understand is that when everything that’s happening to us is being taken by the brain, … we tend to remember the things that are high in emotions or with emotional intensity. So when things are highly emotional, we remember that.” – Kyle Daniels
We have personal stories that are based on the experiences of our life. We know this to be true because what happens during high emotional moments sticks out and is easier to remember than any other event or experience. If those events are happy moments, they will keep inspiring us. But if they are traumatic events, they will keep haunting us.
Can you still remember the happy moments in your life? Those times when you had so much laughter and cheer? Can you still feel the pain of the past moments when you were hurt? These are experiences with high emotional intensity.
“The best thing that you can do is liberate yourself from the pain, and how you do that is by giving yourself an empowering meaning from this.” – Kyle Daniels
Sometimes, the reason why we are in so much mental and emotional anguish is because of our inability to transform our experiences into something more beautiful for ourselves like peace, a spiritual connection, or a journey to success. But to be able to transform traumas into something positive, awareness comes first.
Practicing Awareness to Make the Change
It is always important to be aware of what you are doing. It’s a step toward understanding yourself, which will help you achieve your goals.
“Awareness is good because awareness is the first step of internal change. Real inner change can not happen if you’re not awake. So the fact that there is awareness helps. … If you keep having bad thoughts or negative thoughts about yourself, then try to call it out at the moment. So the more you become aware of it … the easier it is to change that.” – Kyle Daniels
Awareness is the first step to changing ourselves. It allows us to see and correct our negative thoughts and feelings that don’t serve our purpose or goals in life. Awareness may not happen overnight, but developing awareness of your negative feelings and thoughts over time can make you eventually change them on your own accord as it becomes an automatic response in a moment when we have similar experiences again.
“Obviously you need to challenge your thoughts, but first you need to become aware of them.” – Kyle Daniels
You know you’re on the right track when your thoughts and actions are in line with one another. For example, if you want to change something about yourself but continue having bad thoughts or negative self-talk, then it’s time to stop doing that! Awareness is a great start in making changes because it means you are awake enough to notice the things happening around you and allows you to make necessary changes.
Kyle Daniels suggests that every time you catch yourself having negative thoughts, you can write an “X” mark on a piece of paper. At the end of each day, go back and count how many times the letter has appeared. This will show just how often you were thinking negatively about yourself for no reason at all.
“So every time you have [a negative] thought, … make an ‘X’ on your paper. At the end of the day, you go back to it and see how many Xs you have. … That’s a simple little practice that you can do to reduce the amount of Xs, and it’s one way of reducing the negative thoughts that you have that you know are not empowering.” – Kyle Daniels
This little trick might seem silly, but it can be very helpful in understanding where our minds wander when they should not. This exercise can allow you to recognize what got you to a negative state of mind instead of avoiding or denying reality.
Why You Should Listen to Kyle Daniels Podcast Episode Right Now…
Guys, this interview with Kyle Daniels was so amazing, and I’m sure you’ll love the wisdom he shared during our conversation. If you want to connect further with Kyle, you can check him out at Coached Success. You might want to get coached for success with him! For more updates from Kyle, follow him on Twitter and Facebook, or subscribe to his YouTube channel to know more about him through his videos.
During our conversation, I asked Kyle Daniels what topic it would be if he had to give a TED talk on something he wasn’t known for.
“I’d probably say just the journey of life. And I think you and I spoke about it … that life has seasons — the upsides, downsides, the lows, the highs. … And sometimes we don’t have to put all that amount of pressure on ourselves and just try to be true to ourselves. Be true to our aspirations, who we want to be, and our values. I think that is something I would rather speak about if I could not speak about my main focus.” – Kyle Daniels
Regardless of where you are in the journey of life, whether you are in high times or low times, just be true to yourself. As long as you live your values, you’ll be okay.
If you found this episode very helpful, it would mean a lot to me if you would take a few seconds and write a five-star review and maybe share it with some of your friends. I’d be so grateful! I’d also love it if you would tagKyle Daniels, @coached_success, and me, @kyle_depiesse, on Instagram with your greatest takeaways from the episode!
Cheers to your success! I’m rooting for you.